Swift and Saddled by Lyla Sage

5/5 stars

SPOILERS AHEAD

Despite having a full time job, a very strict routine outside of work, and almost no free time at all, I devoured this book in two days. I can't stop thinking about cowboys and I'm about four seconds away from scrapping my whole life here in LA to move out to a ranch and find a hot cowboy who's obsessed with me in a hot and healthy way.

I'm actually starting to become genuinely worried that reading these books is making my expectations for my future partner entirely unrealistic, but I fear I will never stop. Obviously these men could only have been written by a woman because I'm convinced they don't exist in real life, and yet I will continue to hold out for one.

Lyla Sage did it again, giving me two characters that made me reflect way too hard on my past relationships and mental health, and the way I am now as a result. If I thought I related to Emmy running away from Denver, I had no idea what I was in for with Ada's traumatic relationship experience and Wes' mental health struggles. I think by now it should be clear that my past relationships have all been somewhat of a nightmare, and I didn't handle the aftermath of them in healthy ways. I hated who I was when I was in them, and I was disappointed in who I became afterwards to cope.

As Ada was reflecting on her marriage and why she feels like running from what she could have with Wes as a direct result, it felt like I was reflecting with her. I'd also given up so much of who I was that it was hard to find myself afterwards. I made myself smaller to keep the peace, so that's how I learned to live every day. The instinct to run because you don't want to even chance becoming the person you were so unhappy with again. To push people away, even potential new friends, because you don't feel like you deserve it or that they'll figure out they don't actually like you. The feeling of relief when it's finally over. It's all so relatable.

"When you're treated a certain way for so long, you start to believe that's how you should be treated. It left me feeling like there wasn't anything about me that someone could love."

I love how normalized mental health is in Lyla Sage's writing. Wes' struggles with depression were never dwelled on or overanalyzed, he just accepted it as a part of who he was and kept on going. He never shied away from it or avoided talking about it, because it's nothing to be ashamed of. There's so much stigma surrounding depression, especially for men, and especially when it comes to medication, but it's just a part of life and I appreciate the respect paid to it in Lyla's writing. I also understood the struggle of not feeling like you have an identifier in your family. Like your siblings are all doing really incredible things with their lives and provide some kind of value to the rest of the family, while you're just... you. I think it's something every sibling experiences at some point, because it's inevitable that you're going to compare yourself to the people that you're closest with at one point or another. I actually got a little teary-eyed when Amos handed Gus the deed to Baby Blue and the land surrounding it. ALSO, Gus loves Waylon so much, almost as much as I love my Chunky.

"I'll be grateful to that dog for the rest of my life. He is my tether. Ita doesn't matter what is going on, when Waylon's big head finds its way under my hand, I feel better - at least for a minute."

I do think there was maybe a little bit of insta-lust at the very beginning, and I feel like that doesn't really match up super well with Ada's more timid personality that she's fighting against throughout the rest of the book, but I get it.

"Maybe it was because I'd been surrounded by tech bros in Patagonia vests for too long, but this man was doing something for me."

I mean, yeah, you can't blame her there.

Also, as a heavily tattooed woman myself, I loved the tattooed woman representation. There aren't a lot of romance books that have the female character be tattooed. It's usually a big, burly man covered in tattoos, never the female love interest. It was fun to read, because I love my tattoos and I think they make up a lot of who I am and how I see myself.

I loved Brooks, but I think I might love Wes more. There's something about an absolute golden retriever of a man with a cute dog who makes your favorite recipe because you mentioned it once in passing, and who wants you to chase your dreams even if it takes you away from him, because he'll be waiting for you at the end of it. I say again - these men could only have been written by a woman. I actually felt my standards for men climb sky high when Ada tried to push him away and instead of getting mad or saying hurtful things back to her out of frustration, he said "I know what you're doing and it isn't going to work". And when she freaked out and ran away, he just waited for her back in town and told her it was okay because she came back. He didn't get mad or try to make her explain herself, he just understood her and tried to make her realize that he wasn't going anywhere. PLEASE. If there is a god, I am begging him to drop one of these men in my path.

"I can see you're confused, so let me break this down for you: I fucking adore you, Ada... I would be the stupidest man alive if I let something as stupid and surmountable as distance take you away from me."

"I want you to go to Arizona. I want you to take that job if that's what you want. You can have both. You don't have to choose between me and the job. You don't have to give something up to get another thing in return.

I mean come on.

I cannot wait to read Gus and Teddy's story especially because of "it took a special kind of man to pull of a mustache, and Gus seemed to be doing it." I extra cannot wait to read Dusty's because of "Dusty's old black Ford Bronco before I saw it... I could head Led Zeppelin over the sound of the engine." Iykyk... pray for me.